Why Pride?

Members of the congregation were going to march in an upcoming Pride Parade and we thought it would be good to have a session where we talked about that. A woman in her 70s raised her hand and asked “Why pride? I don’t get it? What’s there to be ‘proud’ of?” While I can’t recall exactly all the words I said, here’s the gist of what I remember sharing: “For my entire life, up until recently, I was told that I should be ashamed of who I was and who I loved and I kept that part of myself hidden. The message was that God hated me and if I told the truth about myself people would hate me too. I now know that was wrong. There was nothing to be ashamed of. When I finally came out it became clear that those messages were wrong. So many people are suffering, and dying right now, partly because of the shame imposed on us by others. That has to stop. People who are in the closet need to know that there are people like you, who will accept and embrace them. Participating in festivals and marches takes YOU out of the closet and that’s ‘why pride.’”

She smiled and said “thank you.” Our congregation has participated in pride events most years since then. One of the hardest things about being in a booth at a festival was having people stop by and share incredible frustration, anger and sadness over the way they were treated by other religious communities. Imagine sitting in a worship service and hearing the preacher pounding on the lectern, saying that if you are anything other than his or her definition of “straight” you are going to burn in hell. Imagine how it feels to find yourself having a crush on someone of the same gender as you, or you think that the gender they checked on your birth certificate doesn’t quite match how you feel inside, or perhaps you have no romantic sexual feelings at all, and that if you dared to tell someone about any of that you would lose family, community, your job, your home, your freedom, or even your life. Imagine that. 

I don’t have to imagine that. I spent eight years in the military worrying that if someone found out I was gay I would lose my security clearance, my job and any future chance of good employment. So many LGBTQIA+ people aren’t as lucky as I was, to get through 27 years of a closeted life and discover that, in fact, there were millions of people who would accept me, an incredible community of faith that would embrace me and put me to work helping others, and a man who would love and cherish me and make me happy every day. 

Millions of LGBTQIA+ people haven’t made it past the hate, the shame imposed on them, and the suffering. At best they still find ways to live with all that. At worst, they don’t. Every year 1.8 million American LGBTQIA+ youth seriously consider suicide and too many die. During the AIDS crisis “Silence Equals Death” was a battle cry to come out, speak out and stand up. 

That’s where you come in. Recent surveys report a decrease in acceptance of LGBTQIA+ people. The vitriol against trans people is especially toxic. Please consider doing something visible to show you’re an ally: wear a button, fly a flag, put a sticker on your water bottle, change your social media profile picture. Send a clear signal that you are proud of diversity, one of our nation’s superpowers. To quote Harvey Milk, “Come out, come out wherever you are!” Happy 250th Anniversary to one of the greatest experiments in diversity in the history of the world and Happy Pride Month.

Craig Wiesner is the co-owner of Reach And Teach, a book, toy and cultural gift shop on San Carlos Avenue in San Carlos. Follow Craig: craigwiesner.bsky.social.